


Miraculous peanut butter cups

by courgette96



Category: Supernatural, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Candy, Eating, Gen, Humor, Loki is a Trickster, Not Thor: The Dark World Compliant, Reliance on Supernatural lore, Trickster Loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 08:59:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3243875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/courgette96/pseuds/courgette96
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki was depowered. Then he was not.</p><p>Now he eats a lot of candy, and his pranks are wild.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Miraculous peanut butter cups

**Author's Note:**

> No beta, all mistakes are mine.
> 
> Fill for this prompt: http://norsekink.livejournal.com/13205.html?thread=33248661#t33248661

There is probably something poetic about this, Tony thinks.

 He wasn’t quite sure what it was exactly, but then again, he has never had a poet’s soul. Hasn’t even met a poet, if he thinks about it. And since he is on that train of thought, when is the last time he even read poetry?

 But the point is, here they all are, the Avengers, inaugurating in the brand new Avenger reunion team by discussing Loki, the catalyst to their team’s formation. There is most likely some symbolism in there.

 Of course, it isn’t just the team. There is also the one-eyed wonder, who is technically not an Avenger and therefore not invited, Agent Agent, who apparently survived being dead (he is still trying to figure that one out), and Maria Hill, to ~~boring~~ serious to warrant a nickname.

 Anyway, Thor is the lead of this particular meeting, since he is very experienced with all things Loki.

 “It is as previously stated, my friends,” he says, “The All-Father has removed my brother’s powers. He is harmless as of now.”

 Natasha raises her eyebrow ever so slightly, making her poker face shift to her “I am neither impressed nor convinced” face. He has no idea how she does it.

 “Yeah, I am going to side with Tasha on this one.” Barton pipes up. “I mean, no offense, but your brother has made a rep lying his way out of situations.”

 “This is no lie, friend Barton.” Thor frowns. “I have supervised the event myself, and the All-father’s magic is great. There was no way out for my brother.”

 Clint is wise enough to pick his battles, but not graceful enough to completely let it go. He settles back into his chair mumbling something about “supervising him dying in your arms” and “shame how that turned out”.

 By some unholy miracle, Thor has either not heard or has elected not to call him out on it. Whatever the reason, Tony is grateful.

 “Great!” he says with exaggerated cheerfulness. “So Reindeer here is powerless, is safely tucked in the Hulk cell – not sure how I feel about it being in my basement, but hey, whatever works – and we can all go on with our lives!” He stands up. “This was fun. Chow mein, anyone? It’s on me!”

 “Sit down Stark.” That’s old grumpy again. Tony thinks for a second about staying up just to spite him, but figures the risk/reward ratio is not worth it. So he sits back down, but puts his feet on the table because it’s still his house and he does what he wants.

 “Now, as much as I am glad we have Alien Mussolini out of the way,” the Director goes on, “you do realize we cannot just take your word for it, don’t you?”

 Agent Coulson chimes in. “We have already assigned an Agent to surveillance duty. He will notify us if anything odd happens.”

 Thor seems oddly immune to the one-eyed glare, for he merely nods. “I understand, Man of Fury. It has been decided that you can take the measures you see fit, so long as it does not it follows the justice of Asgard.”

 “Follows the…? Now hold on, just a minute!” Nick leans on the table with one hand, the other punctuating every other word.  “You people have been the source of all my headaches for the past year. You motherfuckers have been treating Earth like a garbage dump or a convenient playground, have broken so many international rules there is a new division designed to deal with your crap, and now you want to talk about respecting local justice? You give us the guy responsible for hundreds of deaths on our planet, and we can’t even play by our rules? Son, if it were anyone else, we would have organized a nice little accident, dumped the body and call it a day, but apparently we can’t do that because some king, whom we still haven’t met and under whose jurisdiction we have never agreed being, has decided to forbid it.”

 Tony swallows as he looks at Romanoff and Barton and their entirely to calm faces, because yeah, he knows “assassin” is part of the job’s description, but it’s still something he doesn’t like dwelling on.

 “Now, since we apparently cannot do that, and we do not torture people without cause, and I doubt he will assist our Operations divisions or Research Department voluntarily, making his possible contribution nonexistent, what we have is a prisoner who will long out live us and has all the time in the world to nurse a grudge! In these circumstances, I must ask: Why the hell did you give him to us?”

 “In a gesture of good faith.” Thor replies. “The reasoning was that if you are in charge of Loki’s sentence, you will be reassured that he is getting no lax treatment in Asgard. We understand you have reasons to be wary, and hope to establish trust between our realms.”

 Yeah, right, because the All-Daddy is known for being lax. Tony rolls his eyes.

 “So, your brother is a peace offering?” Hill asks.

 Thor winces.  “I do not care for the phrasing… But I suppose so, to put it crudely.”

 “What does Loki have to say about all this?” Steve asks. Because he is Captain America and therefore takes everyone’s feelings into account.

 However, before he can answer, a young agent peeks his head through the door.

 “Agent Coulson, sir?”

 “Yes, Agent 45?” is the calm reply.

 “Um… you have asked me to report if anything unusual happens in the cell…?” God, the poor guy is trembling.

 “I am aware. And…?”

 The baby agent swallows. “Something unusual has happened.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 He is eating chocolate.

 No scratch that, he devouring mountain’s worth of chocolate. Sitting with his legs crossed, paper wrappings surrounding him, Loki looks up at them with a bored expression. It would be much more effective if the ex-god’s mouth wasn’t covered in brown smudges.

 “Can I help you?” he drawls, and Jesus, his tongue is also brown. How long has he been eating?

 Thor’s face is disbelief with a tinge of weariness, which must be a familiar combination for him. “Brother… What is the meaning of this?”

 Loki tilts his head to the left, then answers. “It seems Midgard disagrees with me.”

 He then returns to his chocolate bar, and yeah, that didn’t answer anything. Clint obviously shares the sentiment, if his quiet “what the hell” is anything to go by. Natasha’s face reveals nothing, nor does Coulson’s or Hill’s. Bruce looks done with it all, Steve is clinging to professionalism as hard as he can, and Fury is radiating barely contained rage.

 Tony stares is fascination, because Loki has just downed ten bars in under a minute, how is that even possible?

 They all stare at him in silence, the entire room filled only by Loki’s very loud chewing. It takes entirely too long before someone –Natasha – asks the obvious question. “Where did he get those?”

 The baby agent almost whimpers. “I don’t know! He just… I looked down from the monitors for a second, because the screen was getting too bright and I couldn’t see anything, and when I look up, he is surrounded by candy! I have no idea how, but it was only a few seconds at best, I swear!”

 “Calm down, Agent.” Apparently, Fury has gotten over his, well, fury, and is taking charge once more. He turns to Thor. “Magic has been contained, has it?” The sarcasm is palpable.

 Thor is still staring at his brother in shock. “I assure you, there was no trickery. It has been confirmed before he was brought here.” He steps forward. “Brother, how did this come to pass?”

 He has no idea if Thor really expects an answer or not. No matter, because Loki looks up, shrugs, and then goes back to eating his twenty-fourth bar.

 “What do you mean by that, Loki?” Steve asks. Tony would have liked to, but he is still too busy starring in fascination.

 The god in the cage raises an eyebrow. “Although I am not entirely familiar with Midgardian behavior, I am fairly certain indicates that one does not know the answer to a given question. Was it not so in your time, Captain?” The last part is said with a sneer, because Loki is Loki and therefore a douche.

 Steve is undeterred. “How can you not know?”

 “No way, that’s how!” Clint cries out. “He’s lying, he is obviously lying! The son of a bitch still has his magic!”

 “Now really, Barton.” Loki has apparently graduated from chocolate bars and has moved on to lollipops. Tony is positive there weren’t any two minutes earlier. “If by some incredible feat I had managed to fool the All-Father, do you really believe I would waste my magic by summoning sweets of all things? I imagine I would use it to escape this voyeuristic cell.”

 Since Loki had indeed fooled Odin before, the ex-god had just managed in one sentence to put down Clint, Shield and flatter himself. As a fellow narcissist, Tony needs to recognize such talent.

 “Yet somehow chocolate got in there. Appeared out of thin air.”  Steve points out.

 He grins too widely for it to be sincere. “Indeed, Captain. And what of it?”

 “There is only one person who could possibly do that here. You are responsible, somehow.”

 “I have told you, Loki couldn’t have done this.” Thor steps forward. “His magic is gone, never to return unless the All-Father wishes it.”

 “And trust me, he won’t.” Loki drawls, throwing away the lollipop stick. He tries to sound indifferent, but Tony isn’t fooled. He spends his days pretending not to care about Howard.

 Thor looks at his brother, his face contorted with sadness. “Brother, you know that he cannot, not until we can be sure you can be trusted with them.”

  Loki’s pursed lips are the only sign he has heard his brother. He turns away, and stuffs some chocolate in his mouth.

  “Hey, Reindeer!” Tony calls out. “Comfort eating is not healthy!”

 “Go away, Stark!” Loki snaps.

 Next thing he knows, he is standing in line, which he never does because he’s Tony Stark and waits for nothing and… Is that the Eifel Tower he is standing in front of?

 Yes, yes it is.

 Fuck.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 It takes him a week to get back to New York.

 Actually, no, he stays in Paris for a week before returning. Hey, impromptu and free vacation, who is he to say no?

 Besides, he’ll need that time to relax before facing the situation back home, namely a depowered god who is not nearly as depowered as they were lead to believe.

 When he gets off the jet, he finds Agent waiting for him on the tarmac. He waves exuberantly with a wide smile. He knows he is probably less than pleased with him, but he has never been able to resist poking the dragon.

 His eyebrow raises, the corner of his mouth twitches. He made him laugh, win!

 “So, what happened to our favorite prisoner?” he asks as they get into the car.

 “Nothing,” he deadpans.

 Huh? “Uh, listen, the guy just sent me across the Atlantic…”

 “Precisely.” He cuts him off. “He sent you almost halfway around the Earth, a feat he could previously only do with much difficulty if Thor is to be believed. Review of the footage reveal that he was just as surprised as we were when you vanished, indicating that this outburst was involuntary…”

 “Wait, wait, you mean he accidently sent me three thousand miles away?”

 “Yes. He qualified it as “a most happy accident”. Many in the room shared the sentiment.” He smirks at this. Traitor. “So essentially, we have an overpowered, uncontrolled force inside the cell. Clint suggested we put him out of commission, seeing as Asgard failed in its side of the contract, but Director Fury refused. We are not going anywhere near him until we know exactly what we are dealing with. Thor went to Asgard to ask for a possible explanation.”

 That sounds… reasonable, he thinks grudgingly. “So, anything else I should know about? What was with all the chocolate?”

 “He had a craving.”

 Tony blinks. “A craving….”

 “Yes.” He is not even phased, how does he do that? “Not dissimilar to a pregnancy craving, if he is to believe.”

 Oh. Alright then. That would explain it…in a way that totally doesn’t explain anything at all.

 The arrogance and sheer absurdity of it all makes him dizzy. Is that how people feel around him? No wonder they complain so much!

 “You see that look on your face?” Coulson goes on. “Don’t use it anymore, at least not with Loki. It just provokes him further.”

 He puts his hand in his palm.  “I really want to know, but I also have the feeling I don’t.”

 “He laughed, Stark. He honest to God laughed. Not the cynical or evil snicker he usually uses, but a happy and loud giggle. Thor nearly fainted.” At this point, Tony has no idea how Agent keeps a straight face. “Loki seemed surprised himself, but he shrugged it off. To quote him: “It is unseemly, but I feel too much satisfaction to be concerned.””

 “Okaaaay…”

 They sit in silence for a few minutes, before a new question comes to mind. “Why Paris?”

 “Hmm?”

 “Why send me to Paris? Out of all places, why not the middle of the desert or the North Pole? Not that I’m sorry it didn’t happen, but that may have just done more harm that cheese and wine, no?”

 “Ah yes. Once we located you, we asked Thor if that location held any significance.” Coulson looks mildly displeased, one of the strongest emotions Tony has seen him bear. “He couldn’t name any. Loki refused to say anything – well, something about locks and sentiment, but we aren’t convinced it’s related. So for now, we consider it to be randomly chosen.”

 Okay, that could be it. It’s not a very satisfying answer, but Tony knows enough about impulsive behavior to know that sometimes you shouldn’t read too much into it.

 Eventually, they arrive at Avenger tower, with the entire team standing to greet them.

 “Yo, guys, not that I’m not flattered, but there was really no need for the welcome committee,” he says as he steps out.

 “Uh, actually Tony…” Steve rubs the back of his head, “We didn’t know you were coming, it’s just a coincidence.”

 Tony blinks. “Sooo, you’re just hanging out outside instead of in the tower with all the cool stuff?”

 “Well, no…”

 Looking around, he does start noticing something is wrong. Bruce is done with it all again, Steve is blushing, Clint is polishing his arrows.”

 “What’s the deal, cap?”

 “We had to evacuate.”

 Wait, what? “Was there a fire? Did Thor break something? I swear, I can’t let any space Vikings in there without…”

 “No, no! Nothing like that!” Steve rushes to correct him. “It’s just… it’s the papers.”

 Tony breathes loudly through his nose. “Listen, Spangles, you’re going to have to make more sense than that.”

 If he were not dreading the answer so much, he would take time to marvel at how their roles seem to be reversed.

 “Chocolate wrappers. Lots of different kinds. They just… appeared in the rooms. Completely filled them. We had to dig our way out.”

 …

 Dammit Loki.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 Apparently, Loki had requested a bin to dispose of the wrappings. The agent in charge of supervising him had refused, following orders. Loki had retaliated.

 Tony would probably appreciate the showmanship more if it hadn’t been his tower. Seriously, why couldn’t he flood SHIELD headquarters instead?

 Also, that little trick resulted in an absolute furious Fury, who called for another meeting as his remaining eye almost burst from the twitching. So here they are again, with Thor bringing news from Asgard. Of course, it is of no help at all.

 “I do not know how to explain this, my friends,” he says, somewhere between grave and embarrassed. “I have taken the matter to the All-Father, and it is as was said: Loki’s magic is still bound in Asgard. My father showed me proof of this during my stay. My brother should be powerless.”

 Bruce is the one to point out the obvious. “Yeah, he looks pretty helpless right now.” He points at the security feed.

 Loki looks way to comfortable for a prisoner. Apparently, his summoning abilities go beyond chocolate and candy: his cell is now furnished with a white rug, a tweed couch, a black wood table with a few books on it. He is sprawled over the furniture, fiddling with his newly acquired Stark-pad.

 Tony has to give it to him: if nothing else, the madman has taste.

 “I know, friend Bruce, I know.” Thor sighs. “I cannot explain this, but I am not blind to the facts.”

 “And I don’t supposed you would have a solution to this problem?” Fury is not having a good day, and it shows. “A solution to a problem you had _supposedly_ already goddamned solved?”

  Thor frowns. “Before any solution can be presented to us, we must understand how Loki managed to claim new powers“

 “Yeah, about that, are we sure he did?” Tony pipes up.

 “What do you mean, are we sure?!” Clint cries out. He stands up and points wildly at the screen, all up in Tony’s face “Just look at the fucker! You think he just called Home depot?”             

 Tony raises his hand. “Hey there, Legolas, I totally get the guy being a touchy subject and all, but hear me out, okay?” He jerks his head towards Loki. “The guy obviously doesn’t control whatever magic he has very well, so he is unfamiliar with it. Now, if he had _planned_ to regain his mojo, I would think he would go for something he knows, right?”

 “So you think he _accidently_ got magic?!” Clint is clearly not calming down any time soon. “Jesus, Stark…”

 “It fits.” Natasha’s input is quiet, but still everyone quiets and turns towards her.

 “Really Tasha? You’re saying he…”

 “Given what we know about Loki, we can infer he will do anything not to lose control over a situation. He would not choose a solution where he has no control over the tool of his escape.”

 “He could have been desperate.” Steve points out.

 She doesn’t reply, instead turns towards Thor. “How difficult would it be to pull it off?”

 Thor looks pained. “I know not, my friends. Seidr has never been familiar to me.” His expression turns pensive. “Although... I do believe that if such a feat had been accomplished before, I would have heard of it.”

 “So your brother is a special snowflake. How the fuck does it help?” Ah, Fury had been quiet for too long. Thor bristles at the word “snowflake”, and oh, right, Frost Giant. That’s a whole load of history no one in the team particularly wants to get into, although both Steve and Natasha have gotten involved. Steve because he wants to show that he cares, Natasha because anything can give an edge.

 Tony tends to just walk out, grab the whisky and brood about Howard.

 “My brother is indeed very gifted, but I do not think he could have done something like this without proper planning beforehand.”

 “So he planned everything then!” Clint looks at Natasha, as if convincing her would convince everyone else (he probably isn’t wrong). “A contingency to a plan B, it’s what he does!”

 “If he had prepared for this eventuality, he would most likely have more control over his renewed powers.” She is still as professional as she ever is, but there is a hint of sympathy there. It’s a kindness she gives to Clint, and no other.

 Bruce nods knowingly. “And it would be hard for him to do anything after his powers are removed.”

 Clint looks at him, then back at Widow. He seems ready to argue, but eventually just slumps back into his chair, defeated.

 Steve looks at him in sympathy, before refocussing on the crazed god problem. “This is all just a theory, of course.”

 “Yes, Captain.” Fury is back to business, “But it’s a solid one, or at least the best one we have. For now, we act accordingly and assume Loki has no idea what is going on.”

 “I resent that remark.”

 Fury spins around, Steve stands up, Bruce goes stiff. Tony yelps, Clint curses, Natasha has her gun in hand. Coulson’s entire body language shifts into alertness, Thor takes a step forward.

 Loki looks bored and spins on his swivel chair.

 “I would imagine I have at least some notion of what is happening to me.” He turns towards Tony. “Your device is not without its use.”

 No one is moving, no one wants to be the one that makes everything go to hell. Tony thinks they should all be kicking themselves, because really, the dude sent him halfway across the world, of course he can teleport himself a few floors up!

 Once the shock wears off, Fury channels tall, dark and intimidating. “Listen, I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but….”

 “Have these truly been banned?” Loki cuts him off, holding up what looks like an egg. Wait a minute…

 “Are those Kinder Surprises?” Tony blurts out. He looks closer. Yes, yes it is! “Aw, man, you can summon those too?!”

 Thor looks confused. “Why are those eggs surprising to children?”

 Huh? He looks around to see if anyone got that, but it seems that baring the two Asgardians, everyone is looking furiously at him.

 Oh, right, engaging with the enemy, bad. Well screw them, there are situations where illegal egg-shaped chocolate takes precedence! Not that Tony has any trouble getting some, but it’s the principle of having to smuggle them in that annoys him.

 Then again, if he is particularly honest, the reason he enjoys those things so badly is probably because they’re illegal in the first place.

 Looking back at Loki, he sees the god staring at Thor with exasperation and exaggerated embarrassment. “The All-Speak needs interpreting sometimes, Thor.” He starts peeling off the wrapper, drops it on the floor once he is done.

 “Hey!”  That will not stand, not if Tony has any say in it. (He probably doesn’t, but there is no way he is admitting that) “No littering! There are strategically placed garbage cans all through the tower if you need it!”

 “You are familiar with these.” Loki completely ignores him, typical. “Has your country truly seen fit to ban these out of all things?” His eyebrows look most unimpressed.

 “It’s a health hazard!” Steve objects. Probably to drag the god’s attention back to him, maybe because he gets defensive when children’s security is involved. “Kids can choke on the toys inside.”

 Tony takes advantage of the moment to sneak a quick glance all around. Most of the team is alerts, but not as openly hostile as before. This situation doesn’t seem to be leading towards a fight. Thor mostly looks confused, although Tony isn’t sure if it’s about his brother’s behavior or the whole “surprising egg” thing. Fury looks ready to burst with barely contained anger.

 Loki looks baffled. “How in the Nine do they manage that, when it is inside a capsule?”

 “Kids aren’t always careful, and they eat quickly.” Tony has no idea how Loki got Cap to engage with him as well, but at least he isn’t alone in his transgression anymore.

 The god seems to consider it for a moment, inclining his head to the left, tapping his fingers to his lips. Suddenly, a huge grins splits his face. “To make them choke on much sought out entertainment, as punishment for their gluttony! Most inspired!” He giggles, and Tony will never unhear that. “I find the concept most pleasing!”

 In a second though, his amusement shifts to pure menace. He stalks slowly towards Steve, until he is looming over the captain. “Who has chosen to banish these delights?”

 Tony gulps, because that tone can lead to nothing good. Loki looks dangerous again. He doesn’t need to look around to know the entire room is on edge once again.

 Steve stays silent the whole time, clearly sensing murder if he answers.

 A beat.

 And then Loki backs off, giggling once again. “What an oversight! I have forgotten I do not need you to tell me!” He waves his hand, the Stark Pad appearing out of thin air. “This will do nicely!”

 A second later, he is back to the restrained, cold dark type. It’s enough to make Tony dizzy. “I must depart. There is much to do.”

 He vanishes.

 They’re all just staring at each other before Bruce breaks the silence. “Well, he doesn’t look too powerless now.”

 No one bothers replying to his snark. Quiet once more.

 Then Clint whispers. “Tasha?”

 “Yes?”

 “I think he turned your gun into a banana.”

 “I know. Still has lethal potential.”

 Well then.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 Two days later, a high ranking member of the FDA ends up in the hospital. Specifically, the leader of the Center for Food Safety.

 He apparently had dozens of small toys stuck in his throat, although he swears he has not swallowed a single one.

 No one is surprised.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**_Incident Report_**

_ Reporting Agent: Agent 45_

_ Supervising Agent: Agent Patel_

_Nature of Incident: HYDRA base attacked by Hydra_

_Detailed account : At 3:12 am local time, SHIELD satellites picked up an energetic field anomaly 50 kilometers south of Mezdra, Bulgaria. Images generated showed what appeared to be a large beast, although a diminished visibility due to smoke prevented a detailed account._

_At 3:25 am, a SHIELD swat team arrived on location, discovering what appeared to be a military and research base. Further exploration revealed it to be a HYDRA headquarters, as shown by the liberal use of their logo. Final results seem to indicate it being the siege of the D.O.A, aka Department of Occult Armament. (For more information on said department, see report 3-16-A-12)_

_The swat team was suddenly confronted with what has been initially described as a “giant space lizard”. According to several later accounts, the creature was dark green, possessed spikes along its spine, and most notably possessed several heads, although the number given varies between 7 and 12. These descriptions lead to the belief that the unknown attacker was a Hydra, as described by Greek mythology._

_The hydra has been reported to have rampaged through the base, although curiously enough has shown no interest in the swat team. Rather, all its efforts were focused on HYDRA buildings and personnel. After its targets were all eliminated, it disappeared, leaving no evidence of its presence save its destruction._

_Exploration of the wreckage has provided much Intel on the purpose of the base. Specifically, the research department appeared to be working on a “belt of power”, to give “the strength of gods”. A more detailed information can be found in Addenda 3._

_As of now, no clear explanation of this event can be given. However, a list of magic-like powered beings currently known and located on Earth reveal four individuals’ total. Psychological profiling should submit one clear suspect. No assumptions, no matter how likely seeming, should be done beforehand._

* * *

 

 Bruce is a great scientist. Bruce is patient with Tony the way he thought only Pepper could be. Bruce can turn into an enormous green rage monster.

 Bruce is a sciencebro.

 Unfortunately, Tony has been needing someone who can actually keep up with him when he sciencing, and Bruce is not paying attention!

 “Hey, Brucy-boy, you alright?”

  His science buddy blinks a couple times before looking at him. “I’m sorry, what?”

 “Am I boring you? Is it the engineering? Cause we can totally go back to harder physics if you want.” Tony shrugs. “Although you would be missing out on this awesome new feature I am going to give my suit, but whatever, I…”

 “No, no, I’m sorry.” Bruce cuts him off, rubbing his eyes. “It’s just…” He sighs. “Look, you’re not going to tell anyone about this, right?”

 He has no idea where this is going, but he thinks he likes it. “Sure, sure, cross my reactor and all that. So, what gives?”

 His friend fidgets, clearly uncomfortable. “I ran into Loki yesterday.”

 “Well, we all have.”

 It’s true. After the Kinder episode, Loki did not return to his cell, not that anyone expected him to. However, he took to casually appearing in the conference room whenever the team was present. Sometimes he would just sit there and eat candy, other times he would actually give some valuable information, usually when the threat level was particularly high.

 He is closer to the old Loki now, but every so often a shrill giggle or a huge grin will out, more disturbing than anything else the god could possibly do. When asked about it, he looked very near embarrassed, and mumbled something about the unfortunate mix of enthusiasm and sugar.

 The team had tried several times to keep him out, with very poor results. Whatever weapon they used, Loki would either transform or summon the perfect counter for. They tried apprehending him outside of the building, but he is even harder to catch now than he was before. Thor had even brought in anti-teleportation wards from Asgard, only to hear that they tickled a little, and could he at least try to stop inconveniencing him at every turn?

 Clint did not take kindly to this turn of event, and to this day keeps a weapon trained on Loki at all times, for all the good it would do. Natasha just takes everything in as usual. Steve powers through the meeting as best as he can, sometimes grilling Loki for additional intel. Tony finds it hilarious.

 Oddly enough though, Thor is taking this the hardest. His brother will come closer to fighting on his side than he has in years, and then will grievously harm so high profile business man or another. Thor wants to believe in Loki’s redemption harder than ever before, but it’s not like the guy looks sorry or anything. There is always the chance this is some kind of con, although no one could tell to what end.

 But yeah, everyone has seen Loki at this point, so Tony has no idea why Bruce looks so embarrassed.

 “No, Tony, I mean after!” He explains, slightly irritated. “After the reunion, in my room. Extremely creepy by the way, but then again, he still has lots of cats in that bag.”

 Oh.

 “Wait, when you say in your room, do you mean “in your room” or “lounging on the bed, shirt slightly open…”

 “No, Jesus Tony! He just wanted to talk to me!”

 Tony raises his hands. “Hey, not judging or anything. Just making sure my science bro wasn’t victim of unwanted advances.” He leans forward on the lab counter. “So what did he say?”

Bruce huffs. “It was about the other guy. He wanted to know if he could borrow him for a bit. His words, not mine.”

 “Uh, borrow as in…”

 “He said he found this professional wrestler who’s entirely too confident in his strength or something. Yells a lot, a tyrant for the people around him. He said the Hulk would be perfect, smash him around and yell.” He rubs his eyes. “Apparently, he needs the real one, because summoning one has already been done and he needs to top the “previous one”.”

 “Huh.” Tony doesn’t ask, he is certain Bruce doesn’t have the answer. “So, what did you say?”

 “I politely declined.” He deadpans. “Loki didn’t seem happy, but he let it go. Left right afterwards, although he did warn me that the guy would get away with it. Do things right or don’t do them at all, and all that.”

“Huh.” Tony repeats, because really, what else is there to say? “Well, guess that’s that then. Wanna here about the cool new thing I’m gonna add to my suit now?”

 

* * *

 

 

 It goes on like this. He finds candy wrappers all over the tower, right next to the strategically placed garbage cans.

 That’s just petty.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_**Mission Debrief 645**_

****

_ Acting Agent:  Agent Romanoff._

_ Supervising Agent: Agent Coulson_

_ Mission objective: Gather information regarding internal turmoil of the Paris Triad. In particular, estimation on possible impact on artifact trafficking._

_ Mission overview: End goal was met, results as predicted in Mission file BW241. Although the power struggle between leader Louis Wu and former lieutenant Jean Hu left control of the international ring weaker than usual, the operation is still running smoothly. As such, it is advised by the agent to leave matters as they are, as the Triad is still a reliable and predictable source of stray high-tech weapons and 084s. Further details can be found in Addenda 1._

_ Notable events:  During interrogation, one of the lieutenants of the Triad, Fabien Range, attempted to drag Agent Romanoff to his chambers. Agent resisted said attempts, as prior information indicated that M. Range had no worthwhile intelligence to give. _

_Fabien Range is apparently unfamiliar with such rejections, and has continued pestering Agent Romanoff, resulting in potentially compromising the mission. However, before the Agent could deal with the situation, SHIELD hostile Loki Laufeyson showed himself, and engaged with her. (Transcript of conversation to be found in Addenda 2)_

_Loki expressed a distaste for Fabien Range’s treatment of women, and his “inability to comprehend as simple a word as no.” In an effort to “teach him some values,” a magic type procedure was engaged by the hostile, resulting in Fabien Range’s appearance taking that of a women, blond haired and blue eyed. However, Fabien soon vanished afterwards._

_Although no clear answer could be extracted from Loki, the hostile suggested SHIELD look into accounts of the 1930s. He then amended “or perhaps a century earlier. I still tend to slip when I get over-eager.” He vanished soon after, with as parting words “hopefully he’ll find himself a decent husband.”_

_No clear motive for his presence can be given as of yet. Psychological profiling based on this event can be found in Addenda 3, and will be added to the T. Initiative file._

* * *

 

 “What is the meaning of this?”

 Loki really has no business looking so affronted, when he is crashing their meeting for the umpteenth time. No matter how much Tony might echo the sentiment.

  Cause really, what the hell? There’s supposed to be dealing with an Amora-shaped problem right now.

 Steve stands undeterred, still presenting to Loki a package of Reese’s. “Their called peanut butter cups. They’re really…”

 “I am capable of reading, Captain!” Loki snaps. “My question, since you are apparently as dim witted as the company you keep, was: why are you giving these to me?”

 “I thought you might like them.” Steve shrugs, and no, he has no business shrugging, what is he doing?

 He went behind everyone’s back with this one. Needless to say, Clint looks torn between wanting to shoot Loki in the eye or aim his arrow at Steve. On the other end of the reaction spectrum, Thor is delighted that someone thought of giving something to his brother (although Tony is sure he would have liked to be the one to do it.)

 “Why in the Nine would I want those?” There is more outrage in the god’s tone than there should be. “What would you know of my pallet or tastes?”

 “Hate to break it to you, Bambi,” Tony points out, “but you haven’t been exactly discreet in your love for all things sweet. By the way, you may want to check with Bruce about your health, all that sugar is bound to be a doozy on your blood vessels.”

 Bruce is coughing behind him, probably because he is “not that kind of doctor”, but he is enough of a bro not to say anything else.

 Bruce is one of his favorite persons.

 “I do not know what you mean, Stark.” As far as pointless denial goes, this is one of the finest specimens Tony has ever seen. Clint snickers. “But even if that were true, how are peanuts supposed to help? Last I checked, those were a salty concoction.”

 “Well, you mustn’t have checked very recently, because…”

 “What Tony means,” Steve cuts him off, “is that peanuts can also be used in candy, like these. I promise, you’ll like it.” He all but shoves the package into Loki’s arms.

 The god in question stares at the package suspiciously, before clanking up. “And why would you give these to me?”

 At that, Steve has the decency to finally look embarrassed. He scratches the back of his neck, looking away. “Well, you haven’t been causing too much trouble lately. At least,” he amends, “that we know of, and no mass annihilation. So, there is that.”

 Loki snarls. “I do not need validation from…”

 “And,” the Cap goes on, “you’re help has saved many lives, more than we could ever have hoped for without you. So for that, at least, thank you.”

 Reindeer Games looks startled – scratch that, he looks absolutely shocked. His mouth hangs open, before he snaps it closed with an audible clack. “I did not do it for you.”

 “Of course not, brother.” Thor says soothingly. “But whatever your intentions might be, your actions have done much good.”

 “Not that it makes you any less of a psycho.” Clint spites out. Loki smiles at that, clearly more at ease with this sort of behavior.

 “Of course.” He smiles sweetly. He then opens the package and unwraps a peanut butter cu – letting the wrapper fall on the floor again, damn him. “This changes nothing.” He popes it into his mouth.

 The change is almost instantaneous. The irony present on his face melts into shock, then wonder, reverence, to finish in pure delight. No one says anything for a solid minute. Eventually, Thor speaks up. “Brother, are you…”

 “Quiet, Thor!” Loki snaps. To himself, he whispers “Miraculous…”

 And then he is gone.

 Clint turns to Steve. “What the hell, Cap? You’re actually _feeding_ Loki now?”

 Spangles is apologetic, but not actually repentant. “Look, Clint….”

 “Don’t you dare start! Just because…”

 A loud crash interrupts the two. Turning towards the noise, the team sees the end of the conference table broken off, chairs smashed by the weight of two bodies.

 Namely Skurge and Amora, both of them thoroughly unconscious. On the Enchantress’ dress is a note:

 “ _This changes nothing!”_

They all stare at the obvious thank you gift. Thor is positively beaming.

“That clears up my evening.” Bruce is the first to talk.

 Clint says nothing, just storms out of the room before anyone can talk to him. Steve makes a move to follow him, but Natasha stops him.

 “I’ll go.” She says quietly. She jerks her head towards the two villains. “Make sure you have a bowl of those things on hand from now on.”

 With that, she leaves.

 

* * *

 

 

**_ Security Breach Alert _ **

_Attention to all SHIELD agents: Files pertaining to the Paris Triad and artifact trafficking have been removed from the SHIELD database. A note has been left on the servers, transcript below._

_“I will have more use for this than you. My regards to Agent Romanoff. Her work is stellar and has saved me much trouble. LL”_

_As of now, all agents in charge of security and information on the Triads are to work together to retrieve as much information as possible. Further instructions will be given out shortly by Agent Hill._

* * *

 

 

 Everything is going to hell.

 No actually, this is hell already. Building are burning, people are screaming, the Avengers are very nearly overwhelmed.

 If there was ever a time for a miraculous turnover, now would be it.

 Tony has no idea how this happened. How does a hole in the ground open without warning? Hell, even Loki gave them a two day notice before opening his portal.

 But that doesn’t matter now, because the damn thing is there, light is pouring out, and… things are crawling out of it.

 At first, Tony thought they were humans, but was immediately proved wrong when they started sprouting fangs, claws, and whatever the hell else could be considered slightly menacing. The first wave had been dealt with quickly enough, and civilian evacuation had immediately started, but then a new batch of them came, and now they just. Won’t. Stop!

 Legolas is quickly running out of arrows, despite him having his entire stock at hand. The Cap is doing as best he could on the ground, but he is quickly becoming too outnumbered to make a true difference. Widow is nowhere to be seen. Thor is swinging his harmer wildly, as apparently freaking thunder is only effective half the time. The only one Tony isn’t too worried about is the Hulk, whose skin is apparently immune to most of the sharp things pointed at it, and is gleefully smashing away.

 Still, they will never be able to win unless they manage to close the damn hole! Tony has Jarvis working on overdrive, sending out reading after reading, in order to help him figure out just what the hell to do with this thing!

 But the readings make no sense. The energy spikes randomly, the graphs become obsolete seconds after they show up on the screen. Tony has no idea what to do with this.

 They are all screwed.

 Then, out of his earpiece, he hears Clint swearing. He looks around, freezing when he sees what’s going on. Apparently, one of those damn things can climb, has landed right behind their archer. Said archer is out of arrows.

 Clint is not a bad fighter, on the contrary, he is excellent. But those things are strong, and Clint is tired. With a quick punch, their guy is thrown on the ground. The creature looms over him, its face shifts and Holy Shit!

 Tony flies towards the roof, knowing all the while he won’t make it on time. Because the monster has Clint by the throat, and its face is gone, replaced by one enormous mouth, filled with horrifying teeth. It screams, makes a move to bite.

 The sound of broken glass, and Natasha is diving out of a window, sword in hand. She doesn’t even land, just flies into the creature, and cuts its head right off. Black goo oozes out of the cut.

 He wants to cry out in relief, but doesn’t because Natasha’s speed was obviously too great for her to control, and she is falling off the edge of the building, with no hook on her belt.

 “Dammit, Widow!” Tony tries going after her, but at that moment something is on his back, trying to rip off his armor. “Shit! Thor, someone!”

 He manages to yank the thing off, letting it fall to its (hopefully) death. But by that time it’s too late, Natasha is too close to the ground, and oh please no…

 “Stark! Keep that head away from the body!”

 What? Loki? How did he get an earpiece…?

 “Odin’s sagging balls, Stark, the head, toss it away!”

 Right, the head, decapitated. He moves towards the head, but Clint – of all people – has already done as Loki said.

 “Good Barton. It is fortunate it is the only one of its kind. For now.” He finishes darkly.

 Tony sends a salve of bullets towards a newly emerging group. It’s not very effective. “Yeah, about that, what the hell are these?!”

 “Later. For now, you need new weapons.” Loki appears in front of him, levitating. He snaps his fingers. “There, your bullets are replenished and made a silver. You should never run out. Aim for the heart, and in doubt, decapitate.”

 Before Tony can ask anything else, he vanishes again.

 He’ll question things later. For now, he’ll do as instructed.

 A quick view of the battle field reassures him that everyone is fine. Hulk is still smashing around, Clint seems to have found new arrows.

 Loki has appeared next to Cap, driving the swarm surrounding him away. With a quick mojo, he replaces Cap’s shield with another one, gold with a snake design. He shouts “Use Aegis to push or smash, or whatever it is you do with your wretched weapon. And do not lose it, I’ll need it back.” And once again, he vanishes.

  “You okay there, Spangles?”

 “Tony?” A huff, and Steve sends three monsters flying. “Yeah, I’m alright. Don’t know what he gave me, but it works wonders. Thor, can you explain this?”

 “I do not know how, but it seems my brother has gotten his hands on several weapons of great power. What you now have in your hand is Aegis, shield of…”

 “Can this wait?” Natasha cuts in. “We all have better equipment, great, but how do we close the gate?”

 “At least one of you has sense.” Loki buts in on the communication again. “I can take care of it, if you clear the area around the gate.”

  “How large does the area need to be?” Steve asks instantly.

 “Wait a sec, Steve!” Clint shouts through the earpiece. “You’re trusting him? How do you know he won’t make things worse?”

 “How much worse can they be?” Tony points out.

 “Oh, much worse.” Loki deadpans. “You have no idea. But even now, you will all certainly fail and die without my help, so why not trust me?” He is trying so hard to act casual, but Tony can see desperation creeping in his voice.

 And hell, if Loki is desperate enough to all but ask for help, things must be pretty bad.

 Evidently, Clint has arrived at the same conclusion, for he doesn’t reply.

 “I am delighted we agree. Now, I’ll need your help clearing the way.”

 “Can’t you just, I don’t know, summon flames or something?” Tony asks, but he still goes flying towards the eye of the storm.

 “My concentration must be undivided in a short moment, I cannot run the risk of summoning something I can’t control!” He snaps his fingers, and suddenly five Lokis appear, looking much more solid than his previous illusions did. Each one of them is holding a different weapon, from a wooden stake to a flame thrower.

 “These will have to suffice for now. I will not take a chance by creating more.” With that, he disappears once again.

 Well, Loki shouldn’t be too worried, since his five copies seem to be doing pretty well on their own. They each have started targeting different monsters, their weapons apparently perfectly suited for whatever monster they are targeting. Tony takes notes, and adapts his attacks accordingly.

 He is definitely installing a flame-thrower once this is over.

 The area around the hole has started to clear, thanks to Clint’s shower of arrows, Thor’s smashing, the clones and Tony. The Hulk jumped in the fray at some point. His endurance and capacity to just throw away his enemies have apparently marked him as the most dangerous in the eyes of their opponents. They are all attacking him en masse now, which makes for a good distraction.

 Eventually, the area is clear enough for Loki. He materializes right in the middle.

 “Keep them off me!” he yells. He crouches down, palms on the ground.

 “I shall be behind you brother!” Thor bellows, before taking position. His hammer smashes away anyone getting near Loki. Although his lighting doesn’t kill them, it does a good job keeping them away.

 The dark haired man pauses for a second, and Tony really wants to yell at him to get a grip. Fortunately, the moment passes, and the god gets back to work.

 A cry on his right. Tony turns to see one of the copies, the one with the stake, getting taken down by a bunch of the fanged creatures. About twenty of them have jumped on him, teeth deep in his flesh, piercing through his armor. The clone falls on the ground, shimmers and disappears. 

 Ever practical, Natasha jumps in a picks up the stake, which had clattered away from the group. She uses it as wickedly as she does any other weapon.

 “Brother!” Thor yells. Tony can’t afford to turn around, no matter how much he wants to.

 “It’s just a cut, Thor!” Loki shouts. “I need my blood to trace the sigil! Make sure no one erases it!”

 That is some freaky shit right there.

 However, before he can dwell on it, several black, gooey shadows emerge from the whole, before taking a more human shape. The face twist, and dammit, it’s those mouth-monsters again!

 “Dear god, you guys are the worst! Go away!” he yells. He has to, because he is in deep shit now, no blades to decapitate them with, shit, shit, shit!

  “Stark! Use this!” A flask of something appears in his hand. Without a second thought, he throws it on the nearest mouth-monster. It recoils, burned by the liquid.

 The flask automatically replenished himself, so he is very liberal with the use of the lifesaving liquid. He alternates throwing that and using his bullets on other monsters.

 “Loki, are you almost done?” Steve calls out, obviously out of breath.

 “Almost, just ten seconds more!” Loki has been drawing on the floor the entire time, his left hand dripping with blood. Without missing a beat, he collects the blood from one of the fallen creatures around him.

 Ten seconds, he can manage that. Ten seconds, it’s nothing. He mentally counts down.

 Six seconds in, and a mouth monster has gone past Thor and Clint’s defenses, and is heading towards Loki. Loki, who is incredibly focused on his design and won’t react on time…

 A bullet fires through the air, straight into the creature’s chest. Fifteen feet away, Natasha stands panting, an old looking gun in her hand.

 Two seconds. One.

 Loki slams his hand on his bloody design, chanting all the while. A white light beams from the ground, the moon turns a bloody red. Loki screams. So do the creatures.

 Thor is the only one not thrown back by the force of the spell, his Asgardian constitution working wonders. Tony’s flight system saves him from crashing on the ground, but barely.

 When the light fades, the hole is closed. Hallelujah!

 However, that doesn’t mean all the monsters are gone yet. Not-so-Hallelujah.

 Still, looking around, he sees no more mouth- monsters. Thank god for small mercies.

 Everyone is getting ready. The fight is almost over, the worst has passed, they can do this!

 Loki looks around with tired eyes. Several fangy-thingies are making a move towards him. He just rolls his eyes. “Not going to happen,” he mumbles.

 With a snap of his fingers, the remaining creatures burst into flames.

 Yeah, Tony is definitely installing that flame-thrower.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 The sharwarma always tastes sweeter after a near death experience or twenty. Tony is sure of it.

 The only one not enjoying it Loki, who has instead summoned a copious amount of cake, from red velvet to moon cake, and is now happily munging away. His rather loud chewing fills the air, but whatever, he deserves this.

 “So….” Tony starts. “What was that, Loks?”

 Loki looks up from his food, puzzled. “What was what?”

 Seriously? “That, those things. Big gate, light pouring out, monsters everywhere…”

 “Well, exactly what you’d expect.” He reaches over to get some more Sachertorte.

 Bruce sighs, clearly irritated. He is never in a great mood right after a Hulk-out. “Could you please just give a straight answer? Please?”

 Loki takes on the most innocent expression possible. Figures. “But I have. It was as Stark has said, a gateway for monsters to go through.”

 “Monsters? You mean, a gate from Hell?” Steve is all business, already preparing for the debrief later on.

  “Not quite, but close enough.” Apparently done with cake, Loki summons a package of Reese’s, holding it protectively to his chest. “As far as you need to know, it opened on an alternate dimension, one where those monsters were trapped. They were understandably eager to get back to this realm.”

 “Back…” Natasha picks up. “You mean they…”

 “Yes, and no, I will not be delving any further. Not your division.” He shrugs, but his tone leaves no room for argument. “A thank you would be nice, though.”

 “What?”

 He sighs exaggeratedly. “Did I not just save your lives and all those of this realm? Surely that is worth some gratitude, hmm?” He pops a peanut cup into his mouth.

 It’s not so much that they aren’t grateful, it’s that his entire attitude makes giving thanks much harder than it should be. It’s a matter of principle really.

 Still, everyone knows Steve is going to say it eventually, so they are all content with just waiting for it.

 “Thanks you,” whispers Clint.

 Tony looks at him sharply, but Clint doesn’t notice, completely focused on Natasha instead. His hands rests ever so slightly on her back.

 Tony looks away.

 “This doesn’t mean I like you in any way, nor do I trust you in any way…” He sighs. “But thank you.”

 “You didn’t do it for us.” Natasha points out.

 Loki just smirks.

 “Truly, brother, you deserve songs for your bravery today.” Thor booms. “I would toast to you, were I not certain you would curse me before the first word could leave my lips.” He smiles.

 “Perhaps there is hope for you yet.” He shoves another Reese’s into his mouth.

 They sit in a somewhat peaceful silence before Tony has to ask. “So, what was all the cool stuff you gave us?”

 Immediately, Thor straightens himself, and looks at Loki intently. The god of mischief is glaring daggers at Tony.

 He probably shouldn’t have mentioned that, for his continued survival.

 “I did not give them to you. They are already in my possession again.”

 “About that, brother, how did you acquire them?” Thor is trying so hard to sound light-hearted, but is failing miserably. He obviously has a follow up question.

 Loki waves his hand dismissively. “I found them.”

 Blondie frowns, ready to protest, when Natasha cuts in. “He has been retrieving them around the world.” She turns towards Loki. “Haven’t you?”

 “Truly? It is most commendable!” Thor reclines into his chair, visibly satisfied. “Those artifacts are dangerous, and not to be wielded by anyone.”

 “Really? So that shield I got was magical?” Steve sounds oddly pleased at the idea.

 Loki rolls his eyes. “Not nearly as much as others. The bow I lent to the Hawk has much more worth, for instance.”

 “That belongs to our father, Loki, surely…”

 “Or even,” Loki caries on, pointedly ignoring the “our”, “the gun used by the Widow. Although I had to return that one to where I found it. It is really not worth the trouble.” He punctuates that with another Reese’s.

 “How’ bout me?” Tony asks eagerly.

 “Hmm?”

  “That liquid you gave me, the one that melted the black-goo baddies, what was that?”

 “Oh, that?” Loki reclines indifferently, but his mouth is curved in a small smirk. “I believe you would call it Borax.”

 Seriously? “Borax.”

 He smirk is fully present now. “Yes.”

 Tony contemplates that, before shrugging and digging back into the sharwarma. Hey, whatever works!

 “It is a good thing,” Thor repeats. “I shall take them back to Asgard. Father will be most pleased, and…”

 “Nope.”

 Thor stops, grin dropping. “Brother?”

 Loki is smiling with unrepentant glee. “Nope, I don’t think so. You won’t be taking them back.”

 Thor stands up. “But brother!”

 “Oh, I’m sure Heimdall has seen everything by now. He would have warned the All-Father of all those artifacts currently very much not in his vaults.” His grin is getting even wider. “It will drive him insane, will it not? Especially when he learns that _I_ am the one keeping them from him.”

 “But, those weapons cannot….”

 “Of course, I have no intention of using them. It is not as if I need them, now is it? Nor do I care about what the mortals do with them.” He giggles. “But oooh, how Odin hates not having his shinny toys in his possession. This will drive him insane!” He sighs contentedly.

 Thor looks pained. “Please reconsider, Loki. You need not antagonize him any further!”

 “Why not? It amuses me!” He looks smugly at Thor. “Besides, what can he do to me now?”

 “Wait a second.” Steve is completely bemused. “You’ve been interfering with SHIELD business, hacked their files….All to piss off your Dad?”

 “Not my Father.” Loki says casually. “And Yes.”

 Before any one can say anything else, the sound of vans pulling up comes from outside. Tony doesn’t even need to look to know that it’s SHIELD.

 “Ah, not a moment too soon!” Loki exclaims. He gets up, throws the empty pack of Reese’s on the table. “I do not feel like dealing with them. I’ll leave you to it. Goodbye!”

 With that he’s gone. Tony wishes he could do the same when he sees Coulson arrive with the Debrief file.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 Nick Fury’s new office is not as modern looking as his old one. The new headquarters do not allow a panoramic view. The return of HYDRA made discretion paramount, and so there is no large window or large building to be seen. The interior of the room is rather cold, mainly occupied by the technology necessary for the head of a spy organization, a large state of the art desk, and two chairs on either side of it.

 Of course, a person entering this room would be less preoccupied with interior design, and more with the permanently angry one-eyed man facing them.

 Unless of course said person is a depowered-then-repowered-not-quite-a-Jotun-anymore, in which case he or she would probably feel free to make any comment they wish.

 And litter.

 “You wanted to see me?” Loki smiles sweetly at the Director.

 Fury doesn’t reply, merely throws a heavy file on the desk. The dark haired man raises an eyebrow at the title “Trickster Initiative”. As he goes through the pages, Fury speaks.

 “These past few years have made it extremely important to us that we brush up on our mythology. I’m sure you understand” Loki smirks at that. “Of course, bearing that in mind, there is no reason to limit ourselves only to Norse tales. A more extensive research proved to be quite informative.”

 Loki reclines into his seat, candy once more in his hand. “You did not ask me to come here simply to tell me you did research.”

 “Nor did you come here to hear me tell you about it.” Fury counters. “We have a proposition.”

 “Do you now?” The Trickster asks, amused. “What business could you possibly have with the vile Loki?”

 “You need Earth.” The Director states simply. “Humanity is your power source, you need to preserve it. Coincidentally, we are in the business of preserving humanity.”

 “That’s what I give you, what do you give me?” Loki points out. He presents the package of Reese’s with a mockingly polite smile. “Peanut butter cup?”

 Fury only glares at the offending package. Loki shrugs in response. “Your loss.”

 “Your new hobby will attract people’s attention. Some of which will be interested in eliminating you. We can help with that. Given your new position, I imagine your predecessor met his untimely end in such a manner?”

 “No, actually, he passed away due to a completely different reason. Nasty business at that, people should never have brothers.” He hums thoughtfully. “On that note, that person took the role of Trickster, but was in fact far greater than that. My abilities follow accordingly, although perhaps to a lesser extent. What makes you think I need your help at all?”

 “Need? No, you don’t need us.” Fury stares at him through his one eye. “But let’s cut the bullshit here. You don’t have allies, none you can rely on. Doom is self-important enough that you will eventually turn on him.” Loki gives a conceding gesture. “Add to that your little stunt with Amora, and no one that side of the battle will ever trust you. You’ll want allies. We can provide that.”

 “I have no desire to be your employee.” Loki sneers.

 “And I have no desire to employ you, so we are better than fine.”

 A few minutes of silence pass, as the Trickster contemplates the offer. Eventually, he says: “I will not curb my behavior to please you.”

 “Of course not.”

 “There will most likely be some deaths along the way.”

 “As long as they do not call for us to act, we’re fine.”

 “Hmm” Loki’s eyes suddenly light up. “And what will you tell your Avengers? How will you justify this?”

 “That’s none of your concern.” Fury crosses his arms. “They’ll deal just fine. It’s not like you haven’t collaborated already.”

 Loki laughs, not warmly but not disdainfully either. “I quite like this. I make no promises, of course. We are both in the business of lying, after all.” He gets up. “I serve my own interest, which may occasionally overlap with yours. In return, you leave me alone. Unless,” he amends when Fury opens his mouth, “I upset you too much. All in all, I may just be interested.”

 “I’ll need a straight answer.” Fury states.

 “When do we ever give those?” Loki waves his hand as if dispel the thought. “If I grow bored of this arrangement, you’ll know.”

 With that, he disappears.

 Fury reclines in his chair, satisfied. It’s important to start out small. Bigger demands come later. Besides, Loki is not nearly as special as he would like to think. He’s dealt with many people like him before. If he can get Stark and Wilson to get with the program, he can do so with Loki.

 And if some Avengers cause a crisis over this… Well, he’ll deal with it.

 It’s all he fucking does now anyway.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Wooo! This ended up to be much longer than I thought.
> 
> For the record: Loki gave Steve Aegis, known in Mythology as Zeus' shield. Clint got Ichaival, a magic bow that belonged to Odin in mythology. Natasha got the Colt (No, I don't know how Loki got hold of it, shhh).
> 
> So this fic was a lot of firsts for me: first time writing a one-shot as long, first time writing the Avengers, first attempt at humor/action.


End file.
